KevMcCord

Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Be Surprised

Sometimes we're so busy in ministry and so deeply dependant on one another to get our jobs done that we think we can't afford to ask probing questions and the people we lead don't think they can be honest.  I say that's a steaming pile of crap.

For one thing, it's a cop out.  For another thing your team will cycle fast and you can kiss any sense of real, genuine community good bye.

If you think you can't ask a probing question because the truth may be painful or too disruptive then you DEFINITELY should ask that probing question.

If your team members are holding back because they don't feel they can be honest or because they are too public to be honest then they're close to droping out or a blowing up.

Let's practice.

Me: Hey man, you going to be able to help out next week.

You:  Sure, I guess.  I mean I'm pretty sure.

Me: Pretty sure, what gives?  You're Facebook updates and your face are both telling me your not in a good place.

You: Nothing. I'll be there.

Me: What are you trying not to tell me?

You: Well, since you asked I fell off the wagon pretty bad this weekend.  I realized it had been a year since, well, you know...

Me: Hey, let's go get some coffee and talk.  That stuff next week will work itself out, but right now I want to know what's going on in your head.

You: No, I can do that stuff next week if you need me to, really.

Me:  We're so past that now, let's focus on what matters here.  I totally meant to call you this weekend.  I can't believe I didn't.  The main thing here isn't next week, it's whether your going to get past last weekend and refocus on Christ.  Nothing's more important and I have nothing better to do.

There's no magic formula.  There's nothing but the time it is going to take to help your brother in Christ reconnect with the perfect life of Christ that is present in them.  They just put up a wall and you get to help them take it down.  If you don't ask the question the first time, it will get harder and hard to ask it later.  If they aren't honest the first time it will get harder and harder to be honest later. 

Are you making it easy for people to be honest with you?  i find it helps if I am not pretending to be perfect myself.

Pastor Show Me Your Soul

Big pulpits are not that common.  Robes and suits are out of fashion.  The big leather Bible no longer hangs on either side of soft hand as the bespectacled man reads what sounds like, but surely is not, English.

Today evangelical ministers primarily wear regular clothes and read friendly translations.  Many shun the big pulpit and read scripture from a screen.  They shares funny stories from their family and sometimes the sins of their distant past.  They seem so normal.

Yet some are still oddly cloistered and their true self is hidden to preserve some illusion shared between them and their audience.  Their families are hostage to the image they project.  The staff is assembled to promote them.  Their world is carefully ordered so that the surface calm of their inner world is never disturbed.  When they bend morally we don't know and when they break we act surprised that such can happen so suddenly to one so pure.

I avoid a pastor who is insulated and isolated and carefully presented to me.  I've met pastors of insanely large churches and felt their true self was there in front of me.  I've met pastors of small churches who were clearly putting on a show.  It isn't a question of size. It isn't their willingness to use questionable words or have manly hobbies.  It's a simple conclusion I drawn from how freely those who are near to them speak of and to them.  You only need to watch and you can see.  If the image is being projected the effort will strain those who must help them maintain the image. 

I've known three senior pastors in my life who showed me their true selves even upon close inspection.

One was my father.  His struggle yesterday were fair game for his message on Sunday.  He publicly apologized when he publicly insulted.  He lived a life of discipline until God revealed to him a life of abiding abundance.  Today he teaches and lives The Satisfying Life around the world.

The next pastor I felt showed his soul to me and the church was Dr. Gene Getz.  A godly man he confronted his own age and mortality by initiating a seven-year transition plan.  Then brining it to a close 3 years early because the church, not he, was ready.  I've not seen anything like that and may never again.  To confront the end of one's ministry seems beyond most pastors.

The 3rd pastor I know today is my pastor Guy Melton.  He is exactly the man he makes himself out to be on the stage when we gather behind a closed door.  He has never asked, or implied a desire, that I help someone "understand" him.  That I help people see "his heart" which is code in pastor-speak for helping spin a misunderstanding.  The thought doesn't occur to him.  He is quite capable of revealing himself to others since he is the same person regardless of who he is near.

I have but one word of advice to those who know their pastor is projecting an image of himself publicly that is not consistent with who he is privately:

LEAVE

Try This Next Sunday

This post is for people who serve weekly AND faithfully at any-old-church.  I'd like for your to try something.

If your family has a really bad week and you are sideways with your spouse I think you should call the people at your church and ask if they can cover for you.  Tell them you won't be there serving this week since you and your wife have been off-the-page and you're taking her out for breakfast and a walk.

If the following week the same stuff happened you might feel so guilty you just have to go to church to do your duty, then please try a little honesty.  Really, the world won't end.  In fact, if your kid says you are a hypocrite because you act one way at home and another way at church, then they might be right! 

If they are, you should apologize to your kid.  For sure you should tell them that it isn't appropriate to spread your misery and problems to everyone you see, but admit that you should probably be more honest about who you really are.  If you can't be honest with the people at the church you attend then you probably need to go elsewhere. 

Let's practice.

Say I'm the pastor dude at your church and we are chatting outside while you direct traffic.

Me: Hey how was your week?

You: It sucked Pastor Kevin, uh, sorry I mean stunk!  I couldn't wait for it to be over.  I lost my temper like 10 times last week with my wife and my kid just wouldn't listen to me.

Me:  That does suck.

You: I apologized to my wife, but she really doesn't trust me right now.

Me:  I know exactly what you mean.

You:  This doesn't happen when I'm putting time into Bible study and prayer each day.  In fact, it happens more when I spend my time selfishly.

Me:  Exactly!  Whenever I allow myself to be a lazy-no-good husband I generally make matters worse by being a short-termpered @$$.

You:  That happens to you too!?!  Maybe I should call you this week and ask if you are doing selfish stuff.

Me:  That's a good idea.  We'll ask eachother.  Hey, let's go in, church is about to start.

You:  Pastor Kevin, did you say @$$?

Me:  Depends, were you recording the conversation?

What do you think?  Could this happen at your church? 

My point is that some people have too much pride and they think they have to always seem perfectly put together at church.  Some of those people are ordained.

I say hog wash.  There's a way to be both polite and situation appropriate without being fake.

If I Used To Be Famous

Warning: Christian cynicism to follow.

If I used to be famous--especially if I had a colorful lifestyle--I'd have a simple strategy to get some new press.

I'd say something Christians would like.  Let's face it, we love it when someone with a past and a name acknowledges Christianity in a positive way.

It used to be that we elevated those famous ones who accepted Christ a bit too fast.  They sometimes fell really hard.

Today we just want the famous folks to say something nice about Christians or Christianity and we'll spread that like wild-fire.

Here's one example from Penn Frasier Jillet who encounters a prosletyzing Christian he admires.

Here's another example from Melissa Ethridge who meets Rick Warren and doesn't see hate.

Here's another example from a noted athiest about Christians in Africa whose contribution is not limited to the input of time and money, but also to the transference of faith.

On the plus side, these folks are seeing Christians whose lives are shining examples of Christian love and they are impressed.  They see this in spite of their personal beliefs and the caricature of Christianity pervasive in the media.

These stories are worth talking about for sure.  I hope the focus is less on the celebrity of the person making the observation and more on the consistent and compelling way the Christians who they encounter live their lives.

However, back to my cynical point.  If your press is slow and you represent a decidedly non-christian belief system then say something nice about Christians and we'll get your name back out there.

Doliberating

It has been a while since I have tried to coin a new word.  My last effort has not caught on as rapidly as my delusions of relevance led me to believe it might.

Still, I bravely forge on trying to affect the lexicon of modern American English.

My latest effort is "doliberating"

This word can be defined as

taking action while still deciding on a course of action. 

Like all irrelevant new words that occur to me it is the simple combination of two more common words,  Do + Deliberating.

Common manifestations of doliberating include getting in your car and driving while you are still deciding what restaurant you plan to eat at.

More drastic examples include liberating a country while you are still trying to decide what might happen after it is liberated and how you will handle that.

I doliberate quite often on my blog.  I start a new post without a very good idea and before you know it I have an article like this one. 

So, there you have it, 2 of 3 illustrations prove that doliberating is a fairly bad thing that can have harmful consequences to your reputation and standing.  Generally doliberating should be avoided.  If you doliberate as often as I do please know you should expect many I told you so and what were you thinking statements directed at you.

A single exhaustive search on Google proves this word is not in use except as an occasional typo.  Therefore, I claim credit for doliberating and the more basic doliberate should it ever be used by someone popular. 

Being Procrasductive

If you are like me you have responsibilities and deadlines that cause you to procrastinate. Recently, I have found there are multiple procrastination factors in my life at a one time.  No longer am I just putting off writing one term paper.  Now there are 5 or 6 things I'm avoiding doing till the last minute just in case of rapture or the collapse of the global economy.

Given what seems an exponential growth of procrastination sources, I can now devise interesting ways to fool myself into doing things that I used to avoid since there are other things I want to avoid even more!  What a blessing.

I offer this advice if you find yourself with multiple procrastination causes. 

Pick the biggest ugliest thing you're procrastinating about.  Gear yourself up to do it for like an hour.  Do the whole shower, shave, clear the desk, walk the dog, etc routine.  You know what I'm saying right?  Then, just as you are about to pretend to go do that big thing (you know you won't do it anyhow), give yourself permission to go do one of those other less frustrating-tedious-impossible-boaring-useless-difficult things on your list.

You see, you are still procrastinating.  That makes the lazy part of you feel good.  You are also getting something off your list of things you were procrastinating about.  This makes that other part of you feel good. 

For instance

• If you are having trouble getting your taxes done, go out and trim the trees for you wife.
• If you are avoiding writing someone an uncomfortable email, write someone else that long avoided "hey how are you" email.
• If you aren't excited about re-evaluating your retirement account or shopping for life insurance, go ahead and register to vote or renew your driver's license.
• If you aren't excited about doing your TPS reports, go ahead and make a list of the 10 things you can do to improve your company, your marriage, or your relationship with your kids.  This adds to your procrastination list giving you more stuff to fuel this process for ever!

We can call this principle Procrasductivity (Procrastination + Productivity).  Here are a few ways to use this in general conversation.

Procrasductive - adj. the measure of what one can do while avoiding something that needs to be done even more.  (for instance: He is amazingly procrasductive at work!)

Procrasduce - v. the act of getting one thing done while avoiding another.  For instance: He procrasduced an amazing amount of blogs yesterday while avoiding doing his taxes.

Google says I am only the 3rd person to use the word "Procrasductivity" and no one has used "Procrasduce" or "Procrasductive".  While these facts argue the words may not catch on, I am staking a claim here just in case they do.  I want a footnote at least when someone procrasduces the solution to the global energy crisis.

Handlers & Gatekeepers

Does your senior pastor have handlers or assistants?

An assistant helps the pastor do important things by handling the mundane things.  A handler makes sure other people's important things don't get in the way of the pastor's mundane things.

Justify Your Sloth

Just in case you are having a hard time getting anything done today, please consider the following rationalizations to ease your conscience.

1. There were a lot of church events last week.  I've got a break or two coming.
2. They don't pay me as much here as I could get elsewhere.  I'll just check my ebay listings.
3. Blogging is how I take breaks, and it is my way to share what I know with other churches.
4. Bible study in my office is a godly thing.
5. Blog reading is job research
6. I read and write a lot of emails at home so writing a few personal emails here is just fair.
7. I have to come up to the church tomorrow night so I'll leave early this afternoon.

I'm only half serious.  Some of the above things are true some of the time.   I tend to worry less about the above rationalizations and more about the following questions:

1. Am I meeting and exceeding expectations?
2. Is there something I am avoiding?
3. What example am I setting? What perception am I creating?
4. Would my boss/supervisor agree with my reasoning?
5. Why didn't I share my reasoning with my boss/supervisor?
6. Am I presenting a different explanation to others than what I use to justify my actions to myself.
7. Am I constantly thinking about reasons to justify my actions?  Why is that?

My dad cuts through all this stuff when he senses someone in ministry leadership is losing their excitement.  He just asks them whether they still have a dream about what they can do on their team in their ministry.  If you aren't dreaming about what God can do with you in your capacity you may need to pray about a change of scenery.  If your dream is big your focus is usually easy to maintain.

Letters from Kamp Krusty

A good blog is going to hold a mirror up to something and expose it. 

I'm not just talking about the regular kind of mirror.  I mean one of those crazy mirrors that show the pours, in-grown hairs, and pimples.

Letters From Kamp Krusty is one blog that does this for a lot of things.  I like someone who has strong opinions, courage, and some wit when they lay it out there.  If you don't, stay away.

It is a bit more hard-core than my earlier recommendation. 

I've only been following Letters From Kamp Krusty for a week or so, but the perspective is right up my alley.  The author is funny and controversional.  He is a South Florida radio personality I honestly have never heard.

Stop Wasting Time Working

Just because you are working doesn't mean you are not wasting time.

This is NOT a post about getting rich by quitting your job to flip houses or create passive income streams.

This is a post for anyone who spent 2 or more hours on a single task this week.  I don't care what it was.  You were working, but you may have also been wasting time.

If your work is on a computer, this can be even more wasteful.  Let me tell you why...

Information is cheap and easy to find these days.  If you find yourself doing something tedious, you owe it to yourself and to your employer to find out if you are going about the task in the most effective and efficient manner.

1. You need to start subscribing to blogs, visiting websites, and joining email groups that have people on them who do what you do. 
2. You need to learn how to search Google with phrases that surface instructions and ideas relevant to your task or project.
3. You need to find people who will charge you a reasonable rate to tell you if you are doing something the wrong (inefficient) way.

I was reminded of this principle today when someone paid me $75 to show them a better way to do something.  $75 paid to me probably saved then $1,000 in the next year.  What they really paid for wa s a sample of a better way to get the job done.

That employee wasn't telling anyone they spent hours and hours on the task.  The employee had mastered the task and done most of the work so now it was just a matter of doing the incremental work the inefficient way.  The problem is that the employee (and thus the client) was locked into the inefficient way of going about this task and every time a new need arose this was the solution they pursued. 

The client started out asking me if there was a better way to do something and ended up finding out the way they were doing was among the hardest ways anyone could do the job they had been given to do.  Even if they don't engage me to help them, they are now aware of the wasted effort.

Here's what I figure. 

1. If you do something once and it is going to take you 2 hours it is worth a 10 minute Google search.
2. If you do that thing once a month it is worth finding some sources of ongoing information about that topic.
3. If you do that thing every week you owe it to yourself to find someone doing that thing more efficiently than you.  Then find out how to copy them.

A related and somewhat paradoxical thought is that if you are about to pay someone $150 to do something for you it is wise to try and do it yourself.  The reason you might be able to do that is because you CAN look up how to do it for free online!

Time and again folks who work at churches prove to me they are willing to work hard and do what it takes to get the job done.  Unfortunately, I also find that some are so burried under their work they aren't looking for ways to improve how they do their job.

All of us understand this principle of doing the research when we buy big things, but I find some of us forget it when it comes time to engage in rudimentary, repetitive tasks.

This post is sort of along the lines of two recent posts:

• Search Before You Check Out
• Serach Before You Create

I could have called it Search Before You Work.